Two weeks ago, Marie Franc took her youngest son, Islam, to an amusement park for some fun. “Thank God I wore sneakers so I could chase him,” she groans, recalling a day full of between-ride sprints. “I came home and felt like I needed a vacation.”
But that’s not likely. Franc says that even a night out with her husband seems like an impossible and overly indulgent escape. That’s because two years ago, a neurologist diagnosed Islam with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (or ADHD). Today, doctors are still tinkering with the 6-year-old’s medications, and Islam has spent his summer wading between temper tantrums and the world’s greatest sugar-high—with no “off” button.
“You have to keep your eye on him constantly,” says Franc, 41, who works 50-hour weeks as a customer service manager for a limousine service. “I feel like my mind is on 24/7, and sometimes I just want to cry.”
In the United States, ADHD is one of the most common mental disorders affecting children today. More than 4 million school-aged youths—or one to two kids in every 25-student classroom—have ADHD, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Once referred to as ADD (attention deficit disorder), health professionals renamed the disorder in 1987, splicing the word “hyperactivity” into its title. Individuals with ADHD can fall anywhere inside a wide spectrum of chronic behaviors, but oftentimes they struggle with organization and transitions. They can also lose interest quickly, act rashly and fidget constantly.
Consequently, a child with ADHD often tests their parents’ thresholds for patience and vigilance—especially in the summer months, when the rigid structure of the school day is gone.
Marsha Greenberg, 52, has a 9-year-old son with ADHD. “You want to jump out a window,” she says of the long summer break. “You have to watch over your kid all the time. It’s relentless. I’ve changed from being a very committed, aggressive person who could do everything in life to someone who is just constantly worrying about my kid.”
Lisa Kaplan’s 12-year-old daughter Hayley was diagnosed with ADHD in fourth grade. Kaplan, 48, and a freelance producer who works from a home office, says productivity levels drop the moment Hayley starts her summer break.
“If Hayley gets bored, she needs me to be her source of entertainment,” says Kaplan. “If I want her to do anything, I have to constantly harass her. It’s exhausting.”
Summer camp is one respite for both parents and kids. Children with ADHD respond well to camps because they tend to have structure and foster physical activity. Greenberg’s son is now attending an eight-week day camp at Manhattan’s New York University. The camp’s activities are planned by the minute and intended only for children with ADHD. “It has literally saved our lives,” says Greenberg, who notes a dramatic improvement in her son’s behavior.
Kaplan also feels strongly about the benefits of summer camps. For four years, she has sent Hayley to month-long sleep-away camps to meet new people and make new friends.
“Camp is going to prepare her for what it’s like out there in the real world. It’s going to show her what it’s like to live in a dorm and to be in a group setting where people are different and hold different opinions.” And though Kaplan admits she still worries about Hayley’s social skills, even when she’s away, “I also look forward spending time with my husband. It’s my own quiet time,” she says.
According to Mary Fowler, author of four books about raising children with ADHD, “quiet time” is an excellent remedy for worried and exhausted parents. “You will be a better parent if you take steps to deal with your stress,” says Fowler. “Not just your physical feelings of stress but also the mental garbage.”
And Fowler can speak from experience. Her son, now an adult, was diagnosed with ADHD at age 6. “I didn’t like being called an anxious parent,” she says. “But I can look back at that time now, and I can say that I was a nervous, paranoid wreck.”
Fowler fretted about her young son’s academic performance and his future employment prospects. She also worried that she was a terrible mother and that her son could end up in jail, on drugs... “all sorts of ruminations,” she says. To date, none of her fears have come true, and Fowler works as a life coach and a stress-management expert. She also conducts workshops for educators and parents of children with ADHD.
As for Marie Franc, her biggest fear is not summer, it’s September, when Islam’s school year starts up again. “Last year, every time my cell phone rang I was afraid to look at it because I knew it was the school. They called me every single day to come and pick up my son,” she says. “He was acting very wild and had constant mood swings, and the teachers there had no training whatsoever to deal with him.”
It turns out that September may also be Islam’s biggest fear. One morning last year, the boy turned to his mother and told her he didn’t want to go to school anymore. “I asked him, ‘Why not?’ and he said, ‘Because, Mommy, I don’t know how to be good.’ ”
Here Franc pauses in her storytelling. “Now, remember. I have to constantly correct him,” she says. “And to a 6-year-old—in his mind—he’s just being himself. As a parent, I know that his behavioral habits are not correct. But I also know that he is a good kid. He’s a very bright kid with a great heart, and that’s what I told him.”
And as the second half of summer unfolds, Franc will continue to hope that come the new school year, Islam will behave, the school’s calls will wane and everyone else will appreciate her son’s full potential, too.
Freelance writer Bethany Lye specializes in health topics and has written for Health, People, The New York Times and the Chicago Tribune.
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Being a parent doesn't have day off because we always make sure that our family is on the right track though we wanted to have off our mind is still running through things about them. It's nice to have a "Me Time" once in a while. Remember, never forget yourselves. Enjoy and pamper your selves after a very tiring week.
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Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Summertime Strategies for Your ADHD Child
Set One Behavior Change Goal for the Summer
Now is the time to assess your child's strengths and needs. What positive steps has your child taken during the school year? Make a list and share it with your child. Now, think about what areas she needs to make progress in - chores? relationships with peers? self-confidence? anger control? completing tasks? politeness? Discuss the needed changes with your child in the context of the positive progress she has made. Decide together on one specific goal she would like to focus on this summer. Help her see the benefits of learning a new coping skill and reassure her that you will be there to encourage and support her.
Explore Your Options
Look into what is available for your child in your community this summer. Does the local university provide summer enrichment programs for children? What is offered by the community center, churches, Boys and Girls Club? Investigate private lessons in dance, martial arts, art, gymnastics, computers. Many studios offer short summer programs that are perfect for the ADHD child to get a chance to try a new activity without making a major commitment. Make phone calls or visits, pick up brochures to show your child to get him excited about trying something new and fun.
Plan, Plan, Plan
Get out your calendar and mark off all the activities that are already scheduled - family vacations, camp, swimming lessons, baseball games, holidays. Sit down with your spouse first and brainstorm what special activities you want to plan, what you can afford to spend on lessons, camp, vacations, babysitters, etc. Together think of a few special things to do and go ahead and put them on the calendar. Now, get the calendar and brochures and sit down with your child to plan your summer. Let him make some choices about what he will do during the summer, but make sure he chooses something. If you would like for him to take a class, for example, offer him a choice of classes that fit into the family's schedule with the understanding that he must choose at least one.
Structure Your Days and Weeks
This is the key to managing the ADHD child and helping her develop self-discipline. Decide what your family's general daily routine will be with set bedtimes, TV times, outdoor times, mealtimes, quiet times, whatever works for you. If set routines are not your style, I urge you to give them a try. Maintaining structure and routines during the summer can make a big difference in your child's behavior and your sanity.
Build Friendships
Use the summer months as an opportunity to help your child build friendships. Having just one good friend helps her feel more confident and connected. Let her have a friend over several times a week if possible. Offer to pick up the friend, help her plan something to do with the friend - bicycle riding, skating, movie, malling, eating out, cooking in, whatever they like. It's a good idea for parents to supervise the ADD child and her friends closely to head off impulsiveness and arguments. Talk with your child before the friend comes over about specific ways she can be a good hostess. She will really appreciate your guidance in developing her social skills.
Make Time for Yourself
You must take care of yourself and your marriage if you are to have the resources for coping with the constant demands and stress of parenting your ADHD child. Make it a family rule that when Mom or Dad comes home from work they get at least 30 minutes to unwind. Let the children play outside for an hour. Require that chores be completed before 5:00 p.m. or implement consequences (after your quiet time!). Each parent take the children out one evening every week giving the other parent a chance to relax with the house all to themselves. Be sure to set aside one evening each week for you and your spouse to go out together without the children or for the children to go elsewhere while you two stay at home alone.
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Help your children with ADHD develop his learning skills especially his communication skills with other kids. Taking them to summer camps can help them build friendship with other kids and he will learn a lot of things and enjoy summer.
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